I think it's widely regarded that EOSERV relationship advice is usually the complete opposite of what you should do.
However, as someone completely clueless in love, I'll offer what I can here.
The best piece of advice I ever received is simply to be level with the people you're dealing with. Elaborate schemes and plans in an attempt to force yourself and the significant other back together never work. Sharing information with friends in the hope it gets back to them also never works.
The very best thing you can do is talk one-to-one, heart to heart with the person you feel strongly about. You can't address the concerns and problems in a relationship if neither party knows or is willing to discuss what those problems actually are!
Don't let hostilities drive your conversation with them. Hurtful remarks come in the heat of the moment and they're often regrettable and difficult to correct after they've been said. A level head can be your best tool when it comes to fixing what is broken between the both of you. Even if your
partner wants to make things difficult - and it does happen - if you truly do like the person you'll exercise restraint, stay calm and be constructive.
Now, trust is something I hear mentioned a lot. You essentially have to trust your partner, otherwise the uncertainty will drive a wedge between you both. I find trust is something that needs to be earned over time and lost in an instant. Sure, your partner may be speaking to her ex, but it all
depends what drove her there. Perhaps she's turning to someone in her past that she previously trusted because she feels your relationship is falling apart. I knew someone a few years ago that went rushing back to her ex when her relationship began to fall apart, not because she had intentions of
malice, but because she didn't know who else to go to in a difficult situation. It's not that she still had feelings for them or wanted to reconcile their relationship - it was all in the heat of the moment and it held no significance in the grand scheme of things.
If I were placed in this situation, I wouldn't have leapt so soon toward seeing someone else, let alone telling her directly about it. At a guess, I would say she felt very replaceable at that moment. In a matter of days, if not hours, you basically said "well alright then, I have someone else
better anyway". Not trying to be harsh, but I wouldn't be surprised if she perceived it that way.
Honestly, the best way to address this now would be direct, face to face honesty with a careful approach. Forget gifts and peace offerings, they're always nice, but until you address the underlying issue, they'll be essentially meaningless. For now, it's about reaching out to her, talking, being
willing to listen and attempting to repair the bond that was broken between you both. It won't happen overnight, I've had friends that I've had a falling out with because our relationship began to turn sour, and it took weeks if not months to bring our friendship back to where it was before the
argument. Keep in mind that those were my friends, people that were already pretty resilient to my flaky mentality. We're talking about a girlfriend here, which is even more critical still, so expect to put in some work.
Overall though, everyone is different. Nobody knows her and nobody will be able to tell you how she will react. You know her better than any of us here, so while our advice may be useful, also think about this yourself, try to see it from her perspective. It's the only way you'll be able to
decide with confidence how to proceed.
Finally, in the worst case scenario, be gracious in defeat. Perhaps it's simply too difficult to reconcile this relationship. Breaking up on a truly sour note though effectively ends any chance of making your relationship work again (and you never know, sometimes relationships come together
again at the very last minute). Not only that, but it has the potential to cause problems later on.
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EOSERV.net Academy Of Trolls, Satirists & Sarcastics
5.5 Years Former Site Administrator / Moderation Team / Member (Retired)
Re: What does this really mean.
