Forum :: Lounge :: Please comment and critic my story begining?

Serj posted: (8th Feb 2013, 01:19 pm)

too long,didn't read.sorry

Dude that was 3 paragraphs.

..

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All great things have battle scars.

Moonie posted: (8th Feb 2013, 10:07 pm)

Radioactive posted: (8th Feb 2013, 04:21 pm)

Proper grammar must be included in the story for it to be successful. Learn to spell before posting shit on here. It's "beginning" not begining. Thought I should shed some wisdom on your sad ass story.

Goddamn moonie. You can't spell for shit can you? I'll help you out. First it's surrounding not sorrounding. 2: it's an operating table not a operating table. 3: it's. Favorite not faverite. 4: it's been not Ben. Wow, I've come to the conclusion that most of you people on eoserv are idiots.

i dont care about spelling i ment feed back or critic the story

like if u ppl have nothing to say about it then stfu idc about ur gay ass grammar wars i write how i want jesus.

i dont want to see anouther fucking grammer wars shit on here i tl;dr

misca: jesus like i wanted serious feed back not troll wars, this was a serious topic 

u wanna go troll go troll on the other 5 topics i have going

You've been feeding trolls and posting retarded topics.. and all of a sudden you want a serious topic with some "serious" feedback?. You're cool and all, Moonie but you're being ridiculous. 

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Eoserva.

Nerva posted: (8th Feb 2013, 11:39 pm)

Moonie posted: (8th Feb 2013, 10:07 pm)

Radioactive posted: (8th Feb 2013, 04:21 pm)

Proper grammar must be included in the story for it to be successful. Learn to spell before posting shit on here. It's "beginning" not begining. Thought I should shed some wisdom on your sad ass story.

Goddamn moonie. You can't spell for shit can you? I'll help you out. First it's surrounding not sorrounding. 2: it's an operating table not a operating table. 3: it's. Favorite not faverite. 4: it's been not Ben. Wow, I've come to the conclusion that most of you people on eoserv are idiots.

i dont care about spelling i ment feed back or critic the story

like if u ppl have nothing to say about it then stfu idc about ur gay ass grammar wars i write how i want jesus.

i dont want to see anouther fucking grammer wars shit on here i tl;dr

misca: jesus like i wanted serious feed back not troll wars, this was a serious topic 

u wanna go troll go troll on the other 5 topics i have going

You've been feeding trolls and posting retarded topics.. and all of a sudden you want a serious topic with some "serious" feedback?. You're cool and all, Moonie but you're being ridiculous. 

is it so hard to not troll for once? like it's starting to get old.

@radio: ok i get it i dont have perfect grammer or spelling, and ur rite when writing a story u should have propper grammer and spelling. but i am writing on notepad and i dont have spell check or any corrections. I proof read a few times and fix what i catch and hey im not perfect i miss a few things, thats why im posting it on here for critisism or feedback and so others can read it and correct me.

now let me tell u where ur wrong.

first off dont start a fucking troll war over some fucking spelling mistakes, jesus crist talk about most pointless trolls.

uh u deffinatly dont have to be an asshole about me spelling a few words wrong, simply correct me and stop acting like a fucking child.

second  Learn to spell before posting shit on here  lol r u serious? this is fucking eoserv no one here types propperly give me a fucking break. 

and last but not least: ur critisizing all my spelling mistakes but made no comment about the story itself and how it was put together. 

word choice: 1-10?

detail: 1-10?

grammer:1-10?

plot: 1-10

Ect.

do u get the fucking point now?

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Insomniac:I like how in the lounges forum description sausage says "Bitches go crazy." and that's
exactly what you do!
Pixel artist | Mapping artist | Alternative artist | Heavenly Karma | oldbie | top 50  |
Attention whore | main player |

I kinda liked it moonie. I was going to make a racist comment regarding it, but I decided not to. But srs I enjoyed what's there so far

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Tire me.

I like it. The story itself makes a lot of sense. Good job. ;p

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56616C68616C6C612053746F7279

Omg you people have no lives. Something told me to look back on this website. I went to work and came back to see that you people were still discussing me. I'm glad to see that you people are discussing a nobody. Moonie why did you make 2 different responses towards me? I haven't even replied to the first, so you go and make a second one. You must be mad. You said you wanted criticism. I gave it to you and now you're mad. Lol. You people are idiots and you've been trolled without me even being on.

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The 2nd Best in the world.

Radioactive posted: (9th Feb 2013, 02:42 am)

Omg you people have no lives. Something told me to look back on this website. I went to work and came back to see that you people were still discussing me. I'm glad to see that you people are discussing a nobody. Moonie why did you make 2 different responses towards me? I haven't even replied to the first, so you go and make a second one. You must be mad. You said you wanted criticism. I gave it to you and now you're mad. Lol. You people are idiots and you've been trolled without me even being on.

retard read what i wrote i took ur critism spelling mistakes and shit but there no reason to start a troll war on my topic over grammer.

mad?

lol try harder xD

anyone notice how after sosa left this dickhead started trolling the forums?

alt??

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Insomniac:I like how in the lounges forum description sausage says "Bitches go crazy." and that's
exactly what you do!
Pixel artist | Mapping artist | Alternative artist | Heavenly Karma | oldbie | top 50  |
Attention whore | main player |

Yeah sure moonie. I'll talk the title of being sosas alt. Yahhh I'm chief Sosa!!! Inb4 idiots actually believe sarcasm.

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The 2nd Best in the world.

If you ignore him he'll go away..

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Tire me.

ok.i read it cuz i wasn't lazy today haha

:D i laik it. moar please.

smoke some pot too.might help

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| Main player | Mapping artist | Alternative artist | Godly karma | Oldbie | i have my
own class named bacon | bacon | Top 50 |

skype : super.serj/steam : superserj2

I'm sorry, but grammar is part of criticizing your story, Moonie.

I agree with Nerva one-hundred percent.  

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You're all fags.

word choice: 8

detail: 9

grammer: 6

plot: 9

10 is best.

LegendaryG posted: (10th Feb 2013, 11:16 pm)

word choice: 8

detail: 9

grammer: 6

plot: 9

10 is best.

"grammer" lol.

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wut

its retarded.

dont quit your day job kid.

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FUCK EVERYONE
FUCK TROLLS
BITCH