Forum :: Lounge :: I've been used and lied to.

So I started dating this girl around 1 year ago, and we've been in a very happy relationship since.

She told me originally that she has had 2 boyfriends, sex with neither of them, but was raped in high school. Also, told me that from other than the rape, I was her 1st time

We have a daughter now, and she's given me her Facebook log-in information to delete posts about her, since we didn't want everyone from school knowing.

I noticed that she's been talking to a lot of guys that I have never met before about some really personal topics, and my paranoia got the best of me.

It turns out that I am really her 5th or 6th boyfriend, and that she was willing to have sex with 2 or 3 of them, and did have sex with one of them. I say "or 6th" and "or 3" because I just found out that the person who has raped her.. might not have been rape.

She told me that she went to his house for the 1st time after only talking to him online because he was very depressed that his girlfriend broke up with him. Then she drugged her water and raped her while she was unconscious.

She told me that he did not "pop her cherry"

I later found a chat she's been having with a guy that I've never heard of before (note that I don't know the rapist's name) and that they have had sex while she currently had a boyfriend. She said that what they did was cheating, and that she doesn't want to do it again. But that leads me to believe that it wasn't actually rape... but intended sex that she now happens to regret. I think this because they mentioned that he did not "pop her cherry" during it.

I found out all this just after finding out about the other relationships that she's hidden from me for over a year, and I asked her to come clean before I found out about any of this happened and she told me that she had nothing to hide. Then I found all of this^

She was my 1st time and I love her and I do plan on spending my life with her, but how am I supposed to trust her now? She told me about the "sexual" relations with her 2 boyfriends that she did tell me about, but that only included oral or touching. Why couldn't she tell me about this? If she would have told me herself near the beginning of our relationship I wouldn't have cared much, because she is 19 and I went in to the relationship assuming that she has had sex before (I always expect the worst out of any situation).

But now I find out that she's been keeping secrets like this from me for over a year, even though we now have a child...

I "assume" she hasn't been with any guys while in a relationship with me (I say "assume" because now I have a hard time trusting her to be honest with me).

I don't want to break up with her, and I'm going to be seeing her in a few days to talk about all of this in person. I'd like some advice on how I should handle this, and what questions I should ask.

EDIT: She also was talking to the guy (after they had sex) in a matter-of-fact way that since he did not "pop her cherry," that she was still technically a virgin. And if this guy really raped her, why were they still talking about it as if it was some pleasure they had and that keeping it a secret was "fun" ... I feel betrayed

EDIT AGAIN: Oh, I also forgot to mention that I also found out that she has been playing strip games over Skype with someone that she told me was "just a friend" before we started dating. It seems that a lot of guys she says we "just friends," turns out to be all of the crushes she had while she was also flirting with me... which just makes me feel like I was just another guy on the list...

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“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its
whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein

Owner of the original Culio PK - PK Worldz

Nice troll, lol jk.

This generally isn't the place to post this kind of stuff but if you want my advice.

End it before you get hurt even more.

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He told me this yesterday.

Conclusive list of things not worth the effort:

• Bitches

Deciding anything based on what you snooped on her Facebook is kinda dumb, though. Lying isn't so bad, if it helps make someone you love feel better. =p

Move on plenty more fishies in the sea

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"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

Ummm, tough situation. If you said you want to spend the rest of your life with her, then you have to sit her down again and have a nice/calm talk with her. Try to figure out what's going on. She probably doesn't want to hurt you in any way. I know you sat her down before and asked her to come clean, but she didn't take that opportunity to come clean. It's too late now... I can see you care about her a lot. To be completely honest, you sound like a great guy and she doesn't really deserve someone like you. I know it's hard to overcome a girl who had a rough past and who's not a virgin. Love takes patient, time, and communication, and also trust. It's your decision. I have one question, is she still talking to other guys? If so, then end it. 

Well uh, the thing is, he is on a holiday. So they can't really sit down together and talk through it.

Sausage posted: (3rd Sep 2012, 10:42 am)

Conclusive list of things not worth the effort:

• Bitches

Deciding anything based on what you snooped on her Facebook is kinda dumb, though. Lying isn't so bad, if it helps make someone you love feel better. =p

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If it's in the past, then you might be able to overcome it. Maybe she lied to you because she was afraid you'd see her differently. Everybody makes mistakes. However, if she's still getting with other guys behind your back, get rid of that slut whilst you still can. 

Sorry if I offend you, I'm just being brutally honest.

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Rest in peace. <3

You have a daughter, you have a responsibility to try making things work. 

What you know is that she's lied about her past. If she's cheating on you like she did that past boyfriend, the only thing you can do is end it.

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Cirras posted: (3rd Sep 2012, 12:47 pm)

You have a daughter, you have a responsibility to try making things work. 

What you know is that she's lied about her past. If she's cheating on you like she did that past boyfriend, the only thing you can do is end it.

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The good times are killing me.

The thing is, you can't have sex until you're married unless the rules in America are different to Australia.

When will you realize, bitched do this. It's part of every girl's mentality.

Pine posted: (3rd Sep 2012, 01:22 pm)

The thing is, you can't have sex until you're married unless the rules in America are different to Australia.

Yes, she still sees other guys behind my back...

I forgot to include that on the night I found all of this out and asked her about it, she was "afraid to talk to me" and went out to a concert with some friends.. and her ex-boyfriend just happened to be one of those friends and she didn't even tell me she was going until I asked her to come clean a 2nd time

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“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its
whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein

Owner of the original Culio PK - PK Worldz